Operation: RAMEN
by Blizzie-chan
Summary: Continuation to The Talk. Sasuke wants to get together with Sakura. And Naruto's only happy to help.


**Summary: **Continuation to The Talk. Sasuke, being the cold-hearted bastard he is, has no idea on how to court women. Luckily, Naruto's there to give him a hand. Unfortunately, help from Naruto means going to hell and back, and Sasuke figures that out once he realizes the crazy things he wants him to do.  
What the hell is going on in here! Operation: RAMEN, sir!

**Disclaimer: **Insert hysterical sobbing here.

* * *

'BEEP BEEP BEEP' 

'OPERATION: RAMEN COMMENCED'

'BEEP BEEP BEEEEEE-'

"SHUT THE FUCK UP YOU FUCKING STUPID GAYASS ANNOYING PIECE OF SHIT!"

"AHHH! Run for your life!"

"I'M GONNA KILL YOU!"

* * *

Twitch. 

Twitch.

TWIIIIITCH.

"- and then I'll never get to see my dear Hinata-chan! MY POOR HINATA-CHAN! She'll never see my handsome face in the morning after we just -"

"Naruto shut up before I make you suffer a _long_ and _painful_ death." Sasuke glared, his pupils red with three comm-

Wait. Uh oh. Red. S-H-A-R-I-N-G-A-N. It spells death!

"Now now teme. You wouldn't want to hurt your bestest - not to mention attractive - buddy in the whole world, right? Especially since he just gave you those oh-so-useful tips on courting the woman of your dreams." Naruto wiggled his eyebrows suggestively, making Sasuke almost want to gag. _Almost._ He settled with beating the living daylights out of him instead.

"Uhhh Sasuke, what are you doing with that kunai? ...and that rope...and that chainsaw?"

Later on you could find an unconscious Naruto stuffed into a closet, a very satisfied Sasuke eating a tomato (and thinking of Sakura), and a newspaper article about a crime scene.

Nope nothing out of the usual there.

**The Craziness Begins Here!**

"He's late."

"No duh, dobe. He's always late."

"Who you calling dobe, teme!"

"You, dobe."

"Teme, don't make me go ninja on your ass."

"Dobe, don't make me kill you." Sharingan activated.

Naruto pouted. "No fair. You got the Sharingan."

"Hn." Sasuke smirked. Not because he had the honor of outputting the blonde even further, no he could do that anytime, but because a certain someone was making their way towards them.

Slim...curvy...the cutest puppy-dog eyes you could ever see...

"SAKURA-CHAN!" Naruto head-swiped Sasuke as he ran to give the girl one of his infamous bone-crushing hugs, purposely holding onto her closer and longer as he peeked over his shoulder to look at his best friend's reaction.

Red eyes ablaze, the continuous twitching in his left eye, the cracking of his knuckles, and the mutterings of 'fucking pervert...going to kill him...don't care if he's..' were good signs that Naruto was about to get another helping of hell.

Before Sakura could even greet her blonde friend, he let go of her and was gone in a flash, and she could faintly here the yells of 'Bye Sasuke-teme, Sakura-chan' and 'Tell Kakashi-sensei I'll be there when her comes back and he's paying!' on the other side of the village.

"Umm bye?" The petal-haired girl blinked, and faced the now calm Uchiha. "Ohayou Sasuke-kun!" Her voice was cheerful and musical, as always, but Sasuke couldn't help but a feel a hot rush seep into his cheeks. Oh gods, the things she did to him.

"Ano, daijoubu desu ka?" Sakura said, tilting her head in a very 'cute' manner.

"Aa." Was the one-answer reply, before his cheeks flared up again when the girl's soft hand reached up to feel his forehead.

"You're heating up, Sasuke-kun! Are you sure you're okay? Do you want to go to the hospital? Do you want to lay down? Waahh! Don't tell me you're getting sick! I can't have one of my friends dieing on me! B-but, I forgot my medic kit at home..." The girl's arms flailed around and Sasuke sweatdropped.

"Sakura, I'm-"

"Hold on, I'll be back in a flash!" Sakura had disappeared in a trail of smoke, and came back two minutes later with a medic kit in hand and a spoonful of medicine in the other. "Eat up, Sasuke-kun!" She shoved the medicine in his mouth and Sasuke found himself gagging.

_Holy shit! What the hell is that stuff! No! No more! _His mind screamed when Sakura held another spoonful to his mouth.

**_Ack! I'm gonna die from the horrible taste of medicine! I can see the light at the end of the tunnel! Oh look there's Sakura-chan in a towel! _**Inner Sasuke's devastation had turned into perverseness in a span of five seconds. Wow! A new record!

"Screw this! Give me that!" Sasuke took the bottle of medicine from Sakura's hands and chugged down the whole thing. _I will not be mental!_

**_Oh ho ho! Too late for that, missy._** Inner Sasuke broke into a wide grin as he peeked over his magazine filled with...ahem...lots of inappropriate stuff.

_Sick pervert._

_**That I am! That I am!**_

Dialing...

_God, help me to get this Jiraiya-like-pervert out of my head._

'I'm sorry. God's in hell now. Would you like to place a collect call?'

SLAM. _Stupid George Bush. He's out to get me._

"Sasuke-kun...you didn't have to drink the whole thing you know." Sakura said, bringing him out of his...slightly demented...thoughts.

"Huh? Oh." He eyed the empty bottle in her hands, quickly thinking of some explanation. "Whatever. As long as it gets you off my back from worrying so much."

Sakura smiled, knowing what he really meant. "Don't get sick then, okay? Or else you'll be seeing me for the next few days!" She told him, waggling a finger at him.

"Aa." Sasuke said, a half-smile on his face.

"Ja ne, Sasuke-kun!" Sakura gave him an air kiss just like she did everyone else before dissappearing into the crowd.

Sasuke smirked, a new idea forming in his head.

_I might have to rethink getting sick._

**_Oh you sly dog!_** Inner Sasuke let out a seductive growl. **_We'll have her whithering in our bed in no time! Woohoo us!_**

Cue the chibi Inner Sasukes in cheerleading uniforms. **_M-A-D-R-A-B-B-I-T-A-N-I-M-A-L-S-E-X. What's that spell? MAD-RABBIT-ANIMAL SE-_**

'BEEEEEEEEP'

'Due to some technical difficulties. The chapter has been cancelled since it can no longer run properly with all the craziness, weirdness, and randomness. We thank you for listening to our broadcast. Have a nice day.'

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**Author's Note: **How is it? Is it weird, is it crazy? Is it good, is it bad? Is it scary, is it funny? Reviews! None too mean, got it? I'm watching you flamers... 

It's short. I know. Blah. Kill me.

Any ideas? Tell me! I need all the help I can get. Seriously...


End file.
